Wide awake and dreaming

I had your heart, I healed it, I filled it with hopes and dreams.  Then you took it back.

Because you were breaking it!

You’re breaking mine.

Do you love me Jacob?

I don’t know.

Do you love her?

A pause.  Yes.

Would you give her your heart?

Another pause.  Yes.

Then give it to me.

 

They will call on my name, and I will answer them.  I will say, “These are my people”, and they will say, “The Lord is our God.” – Zechariah 13:9

You have planted much, but harvested little.  You eat but are not satisfied.  You drink but are still thirsty.  You put on clothes but cannot keep warm.  Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes! – Haggai 1:6

That is why the Lord says, “Turn to me now, while there is still time.  Give me your hearts.  Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning.  Don’t tear your clothes in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.”  – Joel 2:12-13a

Battling Normal (a series of thoughts)

Act normal.

Look normal.

Be normal.

What is normal?

Conforming to a set of generally accepted standards and ideals.

Am I normal?

I hope not.

What is a normal person supposed to look like, act like, talk like, be like?

Can I run away from the media?

I do not like their concept of normal.  I do not like the woman they wish me to be.

“By narrowing to the extreme at the ankle, they made curvy women look like upside down gourds. Hideous. Instead, opt for pants with a straight leg from the thighs to the feet or a slight flair at the bottom. This will actually balance your hips and make you look sexy and normal.”¹

sexy and normal != gourd?

Poor gourd.  Hurt feelings.

Sex sells, but it doesn’t have to.

Normal.  I am not normal.

Hideous.  Yes.  Hideous I am.

Unloved and unlovely.

Yes.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Look again.

Look beyond the world.

Look into the eyes of the mirror.

You do not define me.

You do not define me.

You do not define me.

You do not define me.

Beautiful.

Yes.

Beautiful.

If I told you I spent the first eighteen years of my life believing that I was unlovely and unlovable, what would you think, how would you respond?

Eighteen years is a long time.

What if it had been thirty?

Or forty?

What if I had lived my whole life believing it?

Conform to this image, to this ideal, and you will be beautiful.

No.

It is merely another mask.

There is no easy fix.  No quick solution.

How I wish there was.

Everyone deserves to know how precious and how beautiful they are.  Everyone deserves to be loved and to know that they are loved.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time.”  (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

“You make everything glorious… What does that make me?”  (Everything Glorious – David Crowder Band)

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¹Shine (emphasis mine)

Ask

Psalms 2:8  Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession.

Matthew 7:7  Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

Matthew 7:11  If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

Matthew 21:22  And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

John 11:22  But I know, that even now, whatsoever thou wilt ask of God, God will give it thee.

John 14:13-14  And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

John 15:7  If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.

John 15:16  Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

John 16:23-24  And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you. Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

Ephesians 3:20  Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

James 1:5  If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

James 4:2-3  Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

1John 3:22  And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.

1John 5:14-15  And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

 

The strongest one in Christ’s kingdom is he who is the best knocker. The secret of success in Christ’s Kingdom is the ability to pray. The one who can wield the power of prayer is the strong one, the holy one in Christ’s Kingdom. The most important lesson we can learn is how to pray. – E.M. Bounds

 

Pray alone. Let prayer be the key of the morning and the bolt at night. The best way to fight against sin is to fight it on our knees.-Phillip Henry

 

Prayer is faith passing into act. – Richard Cecil

Can you spot the irony?

Americans go on diets while the third world countries starve.

More Americans are becoming obese.  More Ethiopians are starving to death.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Call ourselves Christians

I ask that men make no reference to my name; let them call themselves Christians, not Lutherans. What is Luther? After all the teaching is not mine [John 7:16]. Neither was I crucified for anyone [1 Corinthians 1:13]. St. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 3, would not allow the Christians to call themselves Pauline or Petrine, but Christian. How then should I — poor stinking maggot-fodder that I am — come to have men call the children of Christ by my wretched name? Not so, my dear friends; let us abolish all party names and call ourselves Christians, after him whose teaching we hold (Italics mine).

(Luther’s Works vol 45 pages 70-1)

Amen, and amen. I hate it that the doctrine varies from church to church. I hate it that there is division and difference when we should be all the same in Christ. I hate it when people ask me “What are you?” As if the Church should be divided as are politics. My answer to them is, “I am Christian”. I refuse to be defined by the fact that I attend a Presbyterian church, as if that should make some difference. Let me be defined by my faith in Christ; by my faith that His work on the cross has made me right with God and that by faith I have taken a hold of that promise and so live my life.

Playing out

So just when I was contemplating abandoning this whole blog, somebody wrote a nice comment encouraging me to keep at it.  Well.  Then, I was reading through all of my old posts, hoping to see things from that commenter’s point of view, when I came across a thought provoking post.  Specifically this sentence:

“So when I’m in an ensemble, suddenly there are other parts that I’m trying to listen to so that I can fit in with them, and I lose the sound of my own part.”

“I lose the sound of my own part.”  Wow.  How often do I do that in real life?  I pay attention to others around me, and lose sight of myself.  I see others who are prettier, smarter, more outgoing, cooler, seem to know where they’re going, etc. and *poof* I’m gone.  I’ve been replaced by this vision of myself that I wish were reality.  Compared to this shiny golden image, the real self seems tarnished and rusty.  Worthless.  *sigh*  I’m the trombone in the back of the orchestra, hiding behind my stand, timidly playing, losing the sound of my part.  How easily I forget.  The Conductor is the Creator.  The part I play was written just for me.  If I don’t play it, a part of the music is lost.  A million musical textures weave themselves harmoniously across the stage.  Here’s my entrance.  Sit up straight, take a deep breath and play.  Listen.

 

 

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I’m not ashamed to tell the whole world, oh
Without you, I’m nothing at all
That I have strings in need of mending
I’m out of tune in certain parts
So strum, the chord of mercy
Restore my soul completely
Lay your hand upon me
And this instrument will breathe.

- Music of my Heart – Nicole C. Mullen

Pure and Blameless Lives : Question Answered

If you are a follower of Christ Jesus, it makes no difference whether you are circumcised or not. All that matters is your faith that makes you love others.

- Galatians 5:6 CEV

After having done some study, my question is answered.  Faith is what matters.  Moreover, faith expressing itself through love (NLT).  And really, that’s what it’s going to come down to : Did you put your faith and trust in Jesus?